Fear of Death
Ok this is more of a prayer request than a blog post, but I think it will make a good topic as well. A friend of mine who is a total agnostic has confided in me that he has recently been paralyzed by the fear of death. Whenever he passes a cemetery or thinks about his own death, he is gripped by fear and doesn’t know why because it never happened to him before. He knows my beliefs and position regarding God (we’ve had many conversations before).
He and I are going out to eat on Thursday night to hang out but he specifically said he wanted to discuss this with me because he knows I do not share his same fear (at least not in the same way). Does anyone have any specific advice for counsel on this exact situation? Why would you say an agnostic fears death in this way? What Bible verses would you use in this situation (remember I’m not talking to a Christian)?
He and I are going out to eat on Thursday night to hang out but he specifically said he wanted to discuss this with me because he knows I do not share his same fear (at least not in the same way). Does anyone have any specific advice for counsel on this exact situation? Why would you say an agnostic fears death in this way? What Bible verses would you use in this situation (remember I’m not talking to a Christian)?
The first thing that comes to mind is to tell Him that God is calling him to repentance and faith as evidenced by his fear of death. I would stay with this topic "the fear of death" to help cement in His mind that there is really a God who is concerned about him. That will allow you to start the conversation of how God is Holy and we can't be in His presence due to the sin that was imputed to use because of Adam's sin. Then you can move into His authority to underscore the relationship between us and God. You could almost do all of the above without using scripture and see where it goes
Shall I continue? Let me know what you think
Thanks - good advice. Craig just sent me an email saying God was using his fear to bring him to knowledge (essentially “pursuing him”) and I think that might click with him. I like the idea of sticking with fear of death and why he's having it (call to repentance) and the actual presence of sin. We’ve had sin conversations before, so I won’t have to rehash all that.
The problem is – I’m going to have to provide some proof that God exists. He’s an agnostic and will try to write all of this off as a phobia from animal survival instinct. I think I’m really going to have to push hard that he has a soul and this is not instinct.
Then he's going to want to know how to get peace or get away from his fear of death. I don’t want to overwhelm him with Scripture but just some key peace passages – suggestions? I’m not going to bring my Bible with me because he’ll push back but I was thinking of printing 2-3 passages (maybe even using “The Message” translations to make it easier to understand).
The good news? He’s coming to me for help (he could have asked anyone) so obviously God is pursuing him.
I think you will do well pushing forth on the soul argument. You can also use Romans 1 and 2 where we learn about the creation and the conscience pointing us to God even if we haven't heard the Gospel. You don't have to quote those scriptures to use the context and ideas therein.
To get away from his fear of death I think you have to hit on the point that salvation is being saved from "GOD" and His judgment. In addition to the sin part of the equation if you get him to understand that his problem is with GOD and his solution is with GOD it might make it more understandable. God is not offering us a wonderful plan for our lives (even though he has one), he is not offering us a trouble free peaceful life (even though we get a peace through Christ within our troubles) but He is offering us salvation from the eternal judgment that comes from HIM.
The good news? God chose you to share the gospel with your friend and you are following through
If he's seeking you out, then I'd say God's stirring something inside him, as others have commented. The bottom line is you can't prove God exists to him - God's going to have to reveal Himself to your friend, but maybe this is the means by which that happens.
As far as what to say to him? That's a tough one... I like the soul approach. That death is not the end, but really the beginning for both the believer and non-believer. Ask him if he's afraid of what might be waiting. If he says his fear is grounded in survival instinct, maybe you can play on how God gave us that instinct as a means to stretch into eternity with Him (maybe a little cheesy, but you get the point). Or maybe just that he's wondering about this because God's trying to get his attention.
I'd also explain to him your faith, that while you might have a certain fear of HOW you die (for me, it'd be being pummeled by Kimbo Slice, doused with rubbing alcohol, then set on fire, pushed off a 30-story building and landing in tub full of poisonous spiders) you don't have fear of what awaits on the other side of death (Jesus had this experience in the Garden of Gethsemane) because of what you know to be true. There's no fear: 1 Corinthians 15:55 "Where o death is your sting, where o death is your victory?"
Don't know if that helps at all, but it's what came to mind. I'll definitely be praying!
Thanks for the advice, encouragement and suggestions both here on the blog and the emails I’m getting. I will probably do a lot of listening and not too much talking; the last thing I want is for him to think I have an agenda. The reason he brought this to me is because I’ve never had an agenda – I’ve got to keep that in mind. I also honestly feel like the Spirit will give me the correct words to say to him.
The soul is a strange thing to discuss. It’s kind of like love; you can’t prove that you have a soul but everyone knows they have one. So how do you go about even discussing it? The conscience is an easy place to start – but what else shows someone they have a soul?
I guess it went about how I expected it to go. He said he can't imagine his consciousness ceasing - that it seems almost ridiculous that his consciousness would cease to be. I told him that I didn't think that was a ridiculous thought and that I believed he was created to not "cease" but because of original sin (a concept he understands) we die. The fact that it seems ridiculous to cease is because you were created to not die and dying seems odd or wrong. This hit home with him and he thought about it for awhile without commenting. Then I told him to be grateful for the fear because I thought God was pursuing him. He thanked me for saying that and said it meant a lot.
BUT
He is stuck on the fact that you can't know for sure. He understands the difference between faith & knowledge (which I think most Christians do not). I told him there is just as much evidence for God as evidence against, so why would choose against (Pascal's wager)? He said he wasn't choosing against but humbly admitting he doesn't know. I told him that's the same as choosing "no" but he disagreed (long logical discussion ensued from here about that).
Then we talked about how much we both hate the Yankees and drank one more beer.